tote bags

the miracle of adoption has blessed my husband and I not once, but three times.  we have three beautiful and strong children who make me smile every day. (just to let you know, they are real children and they make me want to pull my hair out about every other day!)

the miracle behind my children are three beautiful and strong women, whom i don't know.  they are my heroes; they are my children's birth mothers.  because of their  situation, and for what ever reason, each wanted more for their child than they could give.  with the greatest love, lots of faith, and more courage than i could ever imagine, each woman chose our home for their babies to come to. for that, i am eternally grateful!

while each of our adoption experiences were unique, this one in particular was heartbreaking.  we flew to texas the day after or second son was born.  my husband and i got to spend all the time we could with our new son until he was released from the hospital.  we sat in a small room, holding him, snuggling him, feeding him, loving him. there was a small window in the small room. the window looked out to the foyer of the hospital. throughout the day i watched many people come and go as we sat enjoying the newest member of our family.

the time was getting closer to when we could leave the hospital and start our new life.  as i was rocking my sweet baby, i happened to look up and out the small window.  what i saw still brings tears to my eyes.  there she was, the beautiful birth mother of my son, leaving the hospital, alone in a taxi.  she had no support, no one to help her, no one to tell her everything was going to be o.k.  i blew her a kiss and waved, as a tear rolled down each of our cheeks.  and then she was gone.

i tell you this story because of something i was involved in this last week.  I got a letter from the adoption agency who helped us bring home our third child.  they were soliciting help for a wonderful idea.   a new beginning adoption agency puts together bags to give to their birth mothers so they won't leave the hospital alone.  inside these bags are lotion and skin care products, a journal and pen, and a beautiful bracelet made just for them.  what was needed was the actual bag: a tote bag made with love.

because of my disability and paralysis (spinal cord injury from a car accident) i cannot sew with a sewing machine. (sometimes i think maybe i should try, but then i see in my mind, an out-of-control sewing machine and my fingers sewn together with some material attached to them. then i stop thinking maybe i should try!) i wanted to help, and in some little way, give back to my heroes. but how? the idea came to my mind to embellish all-ready-sewn tote bags.  so off to the many blogs to figure out how to make fabric flowers and to get some ideas.  here's what me and my wonderful niece (who helped me decorate totes for three days--thanks karen!) came up with:

i'm an amateur crafter.  i like to make and create things.  i'm positive there are other bags that are more beautiful or look more professional or are more elaborate and detailed.  one thing i do know is these totes bags were made with all the love in my heart...for my heroes.



if you would like more information, please contact:  http://www.adoptanewbeginning.org/

thankful

in the united states of america we celebrate thanksgiving day--a day to help us remember to be grateful for all we are blessed with. it's a time when we reflect on what we are truly thankful for.  family, friends, food, shelter, jobs, health, and freedom are at the top of most people's lists:  those things are definitely on mine.  i have one other item that i can add to my list that most people can't; one that i am truly and deeply grateful for...my wheelchair.

i had never really thought about being grateful for my wheelchair until i read an article a few months ago about a policeman was shot and paralyzed in the line of duty.  he talked about about how much he hated his wheelchair.  he shared how he didn't even want to see it or be near it. he then spent 2-3 years in intense physical therapy trying to regain what he had lost so he would never have to sit in a wheelchair again.  he had very little success in walking, even after all that he did in therapy to change his life.

i don't know if that man ever came to terms with his accident or being paralyzed or his wheelchair, but the article got me thinking about my own life.  before my accident i never dreamed about being thankful for a  wheelchair! how blessed i am to have not only one, but a back-up manual chair in case mine breaks and a power chair that is my "outside toy" which i use to chase my kids around the neighborhood.  i usually get a new, updated version every 5-8 years.  my wheelchair is lightweight, designed for my body, and is comfortable. my wheelchair enables me to be independent, to live my life how i want to (with just a few limitations!), to enjoy the world around me.  

from a charity organization that finds and distributes used wheelchairs around the world to those in need, they estimated only 10% of the world's population who needs a wheelchair actually has one. only TEN PERCENT!  in the 23 years i've needed a wheelchair, i've always had one.  i've owned 6 in my life. i've never had to stay in bed or been confined to my house or have had to drag my body to get anywhere.  i am truly blessed.

happy thanksgiving! roll on!!

humor

life, at times, is hard.  we all have difficulties and challenges and hardships. it’s easy for people to empathis or feel sorry for me because one of my challenges in life is very visual:  i’m paralyzed and live life confined to a wheelchair.  what about everyone else who suffers silently with their trials?  what can help us through our troubled times?  humor.  “there's no life without humor. it can make the wonderful moments of life truly glorious, and it can make tragic moments bearable.” isn’t that the truth?  not degrading, destructive humor, but humor that builds people up.  i love when i find a person who is humorous...who can truly make me laugh.  humor relieves stress, fear and anger.  laughter can heal. when we laugh our blood pressure decreases, heart rate and respiration increase, the body releases endorphins, and depression declines.  i also read that children, on average, laugh 400 times a day and adults laugh 15 times a day.  wow. what happens when we grow up?  why do we take things so seriously? we have a great excuse to laugh more--it’s good for our health! these are a few things i’ve learned this week while preparing to give a speech this weekend entitled “humor in the journey.” hooray for humor!

my grandfather was an alcoholic. when you see a homeless man on the street, looking as if he hadn’t bathed in weeks, toothless and dirty, you may have been looking at my grandpa.  the only time we ever heard from my grandpa was when he wanted something.  i saw him maybe 4 times in my life.  he chose to stay out of our lives.  when he died, he was by himself--no family or friends where there to comfort him.  he was alone.  when my dad went to collect his belongings, he came back with a pocket knife, stamps, and a pair of wading boots. when my dad went to close his father’s checking account, he received a check for $0.75--yes, seventy-five cents.  my dad has it framed on the wall in his office as a reminder of the life he doesn’t want for him or his family.

my grandpa and grandma were divorced when my dad was 12, but grandma attended his funeral.  there weren’t a lot of people at the short ceremony which was held at the funeral home.  his casket was very modest.  he was propped up a bit, so when it was time to close the casket, they needed to lower his body.  the funeral director had this crank (i’ve never seen anything like this before or since!) and when he turned it, my grandpa was lowered into the casket.  i started to cry as i thought of the sad life he lead and all the wonderful things he chose to miss out on. as the mortician was lowering grandpa, the casket began to sway back and forth. out of the blue, my grandma says under her breath, “rock-a-bye!” i looked up at her and started to laugh quietly!  a huge smile lit up my face!  my grandma had helped make a sad situation into one of my favorite memories of both of them.  her humor helped me to stop looking at the sadness and to look at the good that i learned from my grandpa, even if that list was very short.

remember to enjoy life, to find humor in the good and the bad we get to go through. “...life is to be enjoyed, not just endured!”

builders

we all (at least i hope!) have people around us that build us up, who inspire us to do our best.  there are those who sit quietly in the back ground then swoop in to hold you up when life seems to be especially difficult.  what about those cheerleaders that continue to encourage you to keep going and let you know that you can do it!  i feel so blessed to have many of these people in my life.

last year at this time, i broke my leg and had to have a titanium rod put into my femur.  so many people came to help me with feeding my family or getting my kids where they needed to go.  there was one friend who touched my heart so deeply with her simple act of kindness.  i have known this friend for many years.  we go to the same birthday lunches for mutual friends, chat in the hall at church, store, or school.  we are not best friends, just friends.  after i got home from the hospital, my friend became more than just a friend: she became a true friend.

for those of you who don't know, i am a quadriplegic.  while i am very blessed because i can live independently despite my disability, my broken leg made me dependent on others to do simple tasks, like getting into bed.  my friend would come every day after lunch to help me get into bed so i could nap, rest and heal.  after i was in my bed, she would snuggle me under a blanket and quietly slip out the door.  she did this selflessly for a month.  she showed me the meaning of true friendship.  i am forever grateful for the lesson she taught me.

my biggest cheerleader is my sweet husband.  even when i get out-of-control ideas and he hears things like, "i'm going to make a bed!" he never tells me "no" or "you can't do that!" although i do get an occasional look of terror on his face!  it's because of him i have a web site and that i'm writing this blog.  he encouraged me in june 2009 to start speaking to groups professionally.  although i have spoken to thousands of people and hundreds of different groups and organizations, it was for fun, not as a profession.  i tried to "give it a go" a year ago, in a surprising turn of events, i got nervous and scared about something i loved and enjoyed doing: speaking.

and so we return to my husband, who through his patient encouragement, helped me to realize that i can fulfill my dream of public speaking.  i have overcome the doubts and fears i was having and now i'm on my way!  which leads to my next group of people who leave me humbled and amazed at the support that has been shown me...and that group is YOU!

i want to thank all of you for the outpouring of love and support from you, my new blog friends.  i am extremely humbled at the views on my blog from all over the world, for my new followers, and especially for the beautiful comments that were written--they brought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes.  thank you for being builders, for inspiring me to be better, for being my cheerleaders.  thank you for teaching me to share those good thoughts i have about others instead of keeping them to myself.  for that, i am forever grateful.

try

the absolute love of my life up to the age of 16 was dance.  i loved to dance.  tap, jazz ballet, modern, and clogging were all types of dance i enjoyed doing.  i also enjoyed playing the piano.  two months after my 16th birthday my life changed dramatically.  i was in a car accident in which my neck was broken, my spinal cord was damaged and i was left a quadriplegic.  so not only was i unable to dance, i wasn't able to play the piano either.  (i still can pick out any song and play it with one finger...my kids are amazed at this feat!)

although i still get the urge at times to jump up and dance, i've found other loves in my life.  i love to cook and bake.  trying new recipes and tweaking them to my liking makes me happy. i feel very blessed  in two aspects in this area:  i have a kitchen that has been designed and built around my needs (being "wheelchair steph" and all!) and i have the use of my thumb on my right hand.  this enables me to use knives (a scary thought, i know.), to hold pans or bowls, to stir, turn on the stove or oven,  and use a mixer.  while some things turn out better than others, my husband said have never cooked him anything inedible in 17 years.  what a great complement!  come over sometime and i'll whip you up something tasty....

another love is crafting.  i love to create things.  after my accident i wasn't sure if i would be able to cross stitch, which i liked to do before. i figured out how to do it again, even with the compromised use of my hands.  i like other types of needlework too.  with the niffty knitter loom, i can knit hats for my kids.  my friend candace has enabled me to make wood crafts--she cuts the wood out with a variety of different saws (i am so grounded from power saws--just think about that for a minute and you'll know why...if you can't figure it out here's a hint:  my license plate says "oops"!) anyway, i love to paint the creations she cuts out i.e., pumpkins, snowmen, ornaments, nativity scenes, stars, flags.  i usually have something fun on my porch we've made together.

about 6 or 7 months ago i found the best website!  a lady named ana white post plans and instructions on how to make furniture--the kind of furniture i love but never want to pay the out-of-control prices charged. (check out her blog at www.ana-white.com you'll love it!) i'm not sure what came over me, but since my 3 year old needed to get out of her crib, i decided i wanted to make her a bed.  yes, a bed.  i probably should have started my furniture making adventure on something a bit smaller, but she needed a bed!

the major problem i have is that, while my right thumb works and is strong, my left thumb is very weak.  i can't hold a nail to hammer, so how am i going to build a bed?  i found a new love in my life:  it's called an auto hammer and it's f.a.n.t.a.s.t.i.c.  that's all i wanted for my birthday, and being a good husband who listened, that's what my sweetheart got me for my birthday.

so with use of my new tool i hammered away building the headboard and footboard.  i also learned how to use a drill to countersink the screws, i used a sander (i learned i needed to sand MORE than i did), i painted the bed (not sure i'm in love with the color, but it's o.k.) and with a little help here and there--attaching the posts to the head board and assembling all the parts when i was done--i actually built a bed for my daughter. 

sometimes in life we need all we need to do is TRY.  we need leave our comfort zone to try things that sometimes seem impossible or scary or maybe a little crazy.  how do we know if we can do it until we try?  i didn't know if i could do anything with my new life until i tried, including a simple thing like feeding myself or something a bit more challenging...like building a bed for my daughter.

kids

last week as we were waiting for our oldest son's football game to start, a young boy about 7 years old approached.  he was throwing a football in the air as he asked our second son if he wanted to play. without hesitation and a shrug of his shoulders came the reply, "sure." off they went to play football for the next two hours.


this situation happens almost everywhere we go: in line at the grocery store, the park, church functions...where ever we go my children can find a best friend.  they don't care what they look like, where they go to school, what kind of house they live in.  all my boys want is for someone about their same age to play with.


as i watch this scenario play its self out again last saturday,  i have reflected on what a different world this would be if we could all just be more child-like.  here's some things i have obsevered while watching the children around me, that if put into practice, can make our lives better.  here we go!

• kids don't judge.  they will love you and be your best friend just because you're YOU.

• kids forgive (and forget) easily.  they don't hold grudges.  if they get mad or upset, just wait a few minutes and everything will be right in the world again.
  

• kids are curious...and therefore ask questions.  i have kids ask me all the time why i'm in a wheelchair and it's the adults around them that shush them or hurry them along.  it's not like my chair is a secret!  i love to explain to them what happened and to teach them about the imporatnce of wearing a seat belt. could we improve our lives be asking questions when we're curious?  how many misunderstandings or disagreements could be avoided if we would simply humble ourselves and ask the things that are on our mind?

• kids live in the moment.  they dance like no one watching, try new things without fear,  and tell you what they're thinking.  they jump in puddles, do somersaults in the grass, and get dirty without a second thought that they might be wearing their good shoes.   now as adults we know that this isn't always appropriate, once-in-a-while it's great to not worry or care what others might think.  act a little goofy, be a little silly and live in the moment! 

i know i've thought once or twice that kids have too much energy.  if i could figure out how to bottle that energy and then sell it, i could have the chance at the title "richest person on earth".   since i'm not sure how to do that, i figure i can incorporate some of the other strengths i've observed in kids into my life so i can become a just little bit richer anyway.

i once read a story about two boys who were hauling hay to earn money so they could go on missions for their church. it started to rain. they hadn’t bought a tarp yet to cover the alfalfa. if the rain got to the hay, it would rot and mold quickly leaving inedible to the animals: they wouldn’t get paid. so they pulled the truck with 20,000 pounds of hay under an overpass to wait for the rain to stop. it didn’t. they offered up a quick prayer, but the rain continued. finally one boy remembered they needed to exercise faith, so slowly the boys drove out into the storm. by the time the back of the big truck was out from the protective covering of the overpass, the rain had stopped. they made it home and into the barn, to which the heavens opened and the rains poured down again.

how many times in our lives are we the ones sitting under the underpass, afraid to venture out in the storm? fear. doubt. worry. uncertainty. all of these things and more keep us under the overpass. we can overcome these notions by taking that first step, out from the protective covering of the overpass and into the storm.

that’s how i feel at this moment of my life...i’m venturing into a storm. i’m taking that first step (or roll!) from my safe covering of the overpass as i turn my love of speaking to different organizations into an actual professional speaking business. i started on this adventure a year ago, but fear and doubt and worry and uncertainty overtook my dream. i laid my dream aside for a year. what a waste! so here i am, taking a leap of faith into my fears. i’m facing all those doubts that keep running through my head. i’m not going to let my worries win. and uncertainty? bring it on!

so i ask you, what is it that is keeping you from your hopes and dreams? what’s keeping you under the overpass? are you ready to step into the storm? i am!

ready?

set.

here i go...