hero

the idea for this blog came from a book called "change your questions, change your life" by wendy watson nelson. in one section she poses this question...

if you were the director of the movie of your life, who would you cast yourself as:

the victim?

the survivor?

the hero?

interesting concept, huh? i think we've all played each part at different times in our lives, but how do you want your story to end?

will you be the victim to all of life's unfairness?

will you have survived life's shortcomings and imperfections?

...or will you emerge the victor--the hero--who conquers all (or most!) of the challenges of life?

the fantastic thing about life is, while we cannot control what happens to us, we can control how we handle the trials, hardships and challenges in the script of our life.

he·ro  [heer-oh]   noun..

1. a [person]of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.

simply making it through life is a brave act indeed.  when we can have courage to stand up for goodness, to do what is right, to love those around us, to give service to others, to brighten someone's day, to make this world we live in better.

to be happy. 

 to be grateful.

that's heroic to me.

so remember: you’re the director.  what role will you cast yourself in…the victim?  the survivor?  the hero?

be a hero.

example

yesterday was "one of those days". once i left the house, it was just go, go, go from one appointment to another, to another until we finally got home at about 7:30. one of our stops was at walmart to get a prescription. while we were there, we picked up a snow shovel because we received the first snowfall of the season. did mother nature ever make up for lost time!

after walmart, we were off to take my oldest son to scouts. we dropped him off and as we were pulling out of the subdivision in the dark, cold, wintery night, i saw a figure in the driveway of a home who seemed to be struggling with shoveling the snow. i thought, "i should have my almost 10-year-old help shovel the walk, especially since we have a new snow shovel and all." then these thoughts crept into my mind: "oh...we're already past the house...i'd have to turn around and go back. besides, my son can't help shovel snow--he just got his cast off his arm today."

and i continued down the road with my excuses...

my almost ten-year-old also saw the figure standing in the driveway, struggling to shovel the snow. he shouted, "mom we've got to go back.! i've got to help that person shovel the driveway. turn around mom! we've got a go back!"

i turned the car around and headed back down the street. we found an older, heavy-set woman with a walker trying to shovel a path from the house to the sidewalk so she could get her garbage cans to the street. she struggled with every step.

my almost 10-year-old and my nearly 5-year-old jumped out of the van with their new shovels ready to work. the lady told my son that she could not pay him and she didn't need his help. my son said he wasn't asking for money and he insisted he was going help. they went back and forth a bit until the lady finally relented and let him go to work. all the while my sweet little almost five-year-old was shoveling away as fast as she could go!

soon the path was cleared, the garbage cans taken to the street, the pathway sprinkled with salt, and a new friend was made. our new friend was so very grateful for my children who were willing to help her in her time of need. as we left, she asked if she could give my son a hug. {she looked like the kind of person who gives really good hugs!} she gave my almost ten-year-old a tight squeeze and thanked him again.

i learned a great lesson for my son last night. when we get those feelings, those urges, to to help someone, we need to not only listen, we need to DO. both my son and i had the same feeling: the lady in the driveway needed help. i thought about it, made an excuse, dismissed that feeling and went on my way. my almost 10-year-old had the same thought, did not make excuses, did not dismiss it and acted upon it. he saw a need, wanted to help, and he DID.

as we drove away, i told my son how very proud i was of him. this was his reply...

"i just had a feeling she needed some help and i needed to go help her. a man's got to do what a man's got to do, mom."

and do you know what? he IS a man in my book.

. . .and i SO want to be more like him.

change

change is inevitable.  we all know that.  some changes are easier to accept than others. the change that happened to me this year, i have not full come to accept  yet.  my whole world changed this year with one small sentence and a signature:

"that the bonds of matrimony  heretofore and now existing between the parties are dissolved and forever set aside, and that the plaintiff is granted a divorce from the defendant."

and that was it.  my marriage of 18 years, which i thought would be forever, was over.

at the beginning of 2011, my husband decided he needed a change in his life, so he abandoned me and our three children.  divorce papers were filed in the middle of the year.  by the end of 2011, a divorce was granted.  the most devastating change of my life had occurred.
this is the reason i have been missing in action from this blog, so forgive me.  at times, i wasn't sure i was going to make it through the hardness of what i was going through.  at one point i wondered, if i had a choice, what would i choose:  the year of hell i went through in 1987 when i was in a car accident that left me paralyzed, when i sustained multiple internal injuries which almost took my life over and over and over again,  when i spent 6 1/2 months in the hospital just trying to live....or would i choose the year of hell i went through in 2011.  in my mind i chose 1987.

now that the pain of what i have endured is not so raw (it's still there, just not as intense!) and time is passing, i'm not sure which trial i would go through if i had a choice.  all i do know is that divorce is more painful...

through this change in my life, i am learning many great and wonderful things. i've learned that i am stronger than i ever thought. i've learned i can do really hard things. i've learned that i will not break. i've learned kindness, humility, love, patience and hope.  i've learned, amidst the most terrible experience i've been a part of,  life is still good.  have you ever heard the expression "what  doesn't kill you only makes you stronger?"  if that statement is true, here's how i feel i should look right about now...

hee! hee! hee!

anyway, i'm making some changes.  i've updated my website at www.oop-steph.com  and if you haven't notice, i've made a few changes to my blog.  the title is the main change.  i think it suits me better.  i never liked the old title anyway...

change is good.

hope.

it's been a while....i've had some major life-changes going on in my life.  because of this, i've been trying to just survive, to make it through one of the most the difficult times i have had to endure.  this has left me thinking and pondering a lot about life.  i've come to the conclusion, no matter the ups or downs we experience, what a wonderful experience is this escapade we call life!

people ask me quite often how i do it...how i get through life with a smile on my face and a mostly positive attitude. (if this is your first time reading my blog, i was in a car accident at the age of 16 which left me paralyzed and in a wheelchair.)  i would usually say, "i don't know!  i just live my life!"  to me, the things i accomplish are just the normalities of life: raising three children, running a household, volunteering, church obligations and what ever adventures come my way i try to do to the best of my abilities.  so when people would ask me how i accomplish "life", the question would take me back a bit.

i know realize what it is that drives me to "do it"...to be able to overcome the difficult moments, the hardships, the trials that come my way.  to be able to enjoy the beautiful, peaceful moments or the fun and exciting parts of my journey...

hope.

hope gets me through those moments i feel like i can't go on.  hope that tomorrow will be better.  hope that the pain i'm enduring won't last forever.  hope that through the pain i will become better. stronger.  hope that i can make it through challenges and they won't break me...they won't destroy me.

so today i'm full of hope. hope that i am becoming the person i need to be: one full of love, patience, kindness, empathy, and strength. hope that eventually, i will become.

tote bags

the miracle of adoption has blessed my husband and I not once, but three times.  we have three beautiful and strong children who make me smile every day. (just to let you know, they are real children and they make me want to pull my hair out about every other day!)

the miracle behind my children are three beautiful and strong women, whom i don't know.  they are my heroes; they are my children's birth mothers.  because of their  situation, and for what ever reason, each wanted more for their child than they could give.  with the greatest love, lots of faith, and more courage than i could ever imagine, each woman chose our home for their babies to come to. for that, i am eternally grateful!

while each of our adoption experiences were unique, this one in particular was heartbreaking.  we flew to texas the day after or second son was born.  my husband and i got to spend all the time we could with our new son until he was released from the hospital.  we sat in a small room, holding him, snuggling him, feeding him, loving him. there was a small window in the small room. the window looked out to the foyer of the hospital. throughout the day i watched many people come and go as we sat enjoying the newest member of our family.

the time was getting closer to when we could leave the hospital and start our new life.  as i was rocking my sweet baby, i happened to look up and out the small window.  what i saw still brings tears to my eyes.  there she was, the beautiful birth mother of my son, leaving the hospital, alone in a taxi.  she had no support, no one to help her, no one to tell her everything was going to be o.k.  i blew her a kiss and waved, as a tear rolled down each of our cheeks.  and then she was gone.

i tell you this story because of something i was involved in this last week.  I got a letter from the adoption agency who helped us bring home our third child.  they were soliciting help for a wonderful idea.   a new beginning adoption agency puts together bags to give to their birth mothers so they won't leave the hospital alone.  inside these bags are lotion and skin care products, a journal and pen, and a beautiful bracelet made just for them.  what was needed was the actual bag: a tote bag made with love.

because of my disability and paralysis (spinal cord injury from a car accident) i cannot sew with a sewing machine. (sometimes i think maybe i should try, but then i see in my mind, an out-of-control sewing machine and my fingers sewn together with some material attached to them. then i stop thinking maybe i should try!) i wanted to help, and in some little way, give back to my heroes. but how? the idea came to my mind to embellish all-ready-sewn tote bags.  so off to the many blogs to figure out how to make fabric flowers and to get some ideas.  here's what me and my wonderful niece (who helped me decorate totes for three days--thanks karen!) came up with:

i'm an amateur crafter.  i like to make and create things.  i'm positive there are other bags that are more beautiful or look more professional or are more elaborate and detailed.  one thing i do know is these totes bags were made with all the love in my heart...for my heroes.



if you would like more information, please contact:  http://www.adoptanewbeginning.org/

thankful

in the united states of america we celebrate thanksgiving day--a day to help us remember to be grateful for all we are blessed with. it's a time when we reflect on what we are truly thankful for.  family, friends, food, shelter, jobs, health, and freedom are at the top of most people's lists:  those things are definitely on mine.  i have one other item that i can add to my list that most people can't; one that i am truly and deeply grateful for...my wheelchair.

i had never really thought about being grateful for my wheelchair until i read an article a few months ago about a policeman was shot and paralyzed in the line of duty.  he talked about about how much he hated his wheelchair.  he shared how he didn't even want to see it or be near it. he then spent 2-3 years in intense physical therapy trying to regain what he had lost so he would never have to sit in a wheelchair again.  he had very little success in walking, even after all that he did in therapy to change his life.

i don't know if that man ever came to terms with his accident or being paralyzed or his wheelchair, but the article got me thinking about my own life.  before my accident i never dreamed about being thankful for a  wheelchair! how blessed i am to have not only one, but a back-up manual chair in case mine breaks and a power chair that is my "outside toy" which i use to chase my kids around the neighborhood.  i usually get a new, updated version every 5-8 years.  my wheelchair is lightweight, designed for my body, and is comfortable. my wheelchair enables me to be independent, to live my life how i want to (with just a few limitations!), to enjoy the world around me.  

from a charity organization that finds and distributes used wheelchairs around the world to those in need, they estimated only 10% of the world's population who needs a wheelchair actually has one. only TEN PERCENT!  in the 23 years i've needed a wheelchair, i've always had one.  i've owned 6 in my life. i've never had to stay in bed or been confined to my house or have had to drag my body to get anywhere.  i am truly blessed.

happy thanksgiving! roll on!!

humor

life, at times, is hard.  we all have difficulties and challenges and hardships. it’s easy for people to empathis or feel sorry for me because one of my challenges in life is very visual:  i’m paralyzed and live life confined to a wheelchair.  what about everyone else who suffers silently with their trials?  what can help us through our troubled times?  humor.  “there's no life without humor. it can make the wonderful moments of life truly glorious, and it can make tragic moments bearable.” isn’t that the truth?  not degrading, destructive humor, but humor that builds people up.  i love when i find a person who is humorous...who can truly make me laugh.  humor relieves stress, fear and anger.  laughter can heal. when we laugh our blood pressure decreases, heart rate and respiration increase, the body releases endorphins, and depression declines.  i also read that children, on average, laugh 400 times a day and adults laugh 15 times a day.  wow. what happens when we grow up?  why do we take things so seriously? we have a great excuse to laugh more--it’s good for our health! these are a few things i’ve learned this week while preparing to give a speech this weekend entitled “humor in the journey.” hooray for humor!

my grandfather was an alcoholic. when you see a homeless man on the street, looking as if he hadn’t bathed in weeks, toothless and dirty, you may have been looking at my grandpa.  the only time we ever heard from my grandpa was when he wanted something.  i saw him maybe 4 times in my life.  he chose to stay out of our lives.  when he died, he was by himself--no family or friends where there to comfort him.  he was alone.  when my dad went to collect his belongings, he came back with a pocket knife, stamps, and a pair of wading boots. when my dad went to close his father’s checking account, he received a check for $0.75--yes, seventy-five cents.  my dad has it framed on the wall in his office as a reminder of the life he doesn’t want for him or his family.

my grandpa and grandma were divorced when my dad was 12, but grandma attended his funeral.  there weren’t a lot of people at the short ceremony which was held at the funeral home.  his casket was very modest.  he was propped up a bit, so when it was time to close the casket, they needed to lower his body.  the funeral director had this crank (i’ve never seen anything like this before or since!) and when he turned it, my grandpa was lowered into the casket.  i started to cry as i thought of the sad life he lead and all the wonderful things he chose to miss out on. as the mortician was lowering grandpa, the casket began to sway back and forth. out of the blue, my grandma says under her breath, “rock-a-bye!” i looked up at her and started to laugh quietly!  a huge smile lit up my face!  my grandma had helped make a sad situation into one of my favorite memories of both of them.  her humor helped me to stop looking at the sadness and to look at the good that i learned from my grandpa, even if that list was very short.

remember to enjoy life, to find humor in the good and the bad we get to go through. “...life is to be enjoyed, not just endured!”